A straight woman's guide to getting your female crush in bed.

You’re a woman who has always liked cock and been proud of it. Suddenly, someone new makes you catch your breath – and gets your panties wet. You have no idea what to do or what it means because the object of your affection isn’t your hot male cube-mate but another [gasp] girl. Be she a strapping butch, a giggly femme or somewhere in between, do not fear. You can go after her, get her and come out of it not only alive, but lusting for more.

Chill Out

If you’re freaking out, stop. Girls kissing girls (and doing a lot more) is no longer taboo, so feel free to explore to your heart’s delight.

When Jen Sincero (jensincero.com), author of The Straight Girl’s Guide to Sleeping with Chicks, became attracted to women at age 37, it made her see sex in a new way. She went out and interviewed every woman she could find about what it’s like to have sex with another woman, from one-night stands to long-term relationships. “It’s much worse to not hit on someone you find hot than to hit on them and get turned down,” she says.  “Everyone acts like they’ll bleed to death if they get rejected. Who cares? This person doesn’t even know you, so don’t take it personally.”

Get Out There

Ready to meet some hot chicks? Your best bet is your local lesbian bar or club. Nicole Kristal, co-author of The Bisexual’s Guide to the Universe, recommends going out with a group of gay friends for moral support. You can also try scoping for women at concerts, strip clubs, roller derby competitions and book signings; as Sincero says, “anyplace where it’s not uptight straighty-ville and people aren’t freaked out by same-sex fun.”

If you meet a girl in a lesbian-friendly setting, talking her up is fair game. You don’t have to pounce immediately, but see if you have anything to say to each other. Even if you don’t wind up in bed, you may make a new friend…and meet someone who can introduce you to more hotties.

If you’re macking on ladies at a lesbian club, Kristal suggests being upfront about your status as a newbie. It doesn’t have to be the first sentence out of your mouth, but put it on the table and see how she reacts, especially if you’ve just met.

“A lot of lesbians have a fetish for converting straight women, so why bother with the ones who are gonna be freaked out about it?” Kristal advises.

When you’re talking to a woman in the “real world” (i.e. not at a lesbian haunt), you’ll need to read her for clues. Maybe she’s “straight” like you, but when there’s a strong attraction, labels tend to fly out the window. Be yourself, and you’ll find that after the initial “hello,” things get easier.

The ‘Straight Girl’ Advantage

Even in a lesbian bar, you have one thing that dedicated dykes don’t: the allure of “straightness.” While there may be lesbians who’d rather pair up with a more experienced gal, for others, straight girls are an exciting change of pace. Nadine, a 41-year-old lesbian living in Florida, says, “I find [the challenge of] straight women very attractive. I like being their first; it’s an ego trip.”

Fort Lauderdale resident Caitlain, 21 (who doesn’t believe there’s any such thing as a “100% straight” girl), loved her first girl-on-girl sex as a teenager so much that she believes “every girl should have that experience.”

You don’t have to pretend to be anything you’re not; whether you’re in a straight relationship or are single but curious, you can find a woman who will welcome the chance to be your first.

Best Friends to Bedroom Buddies

Often, the girl you wind up in the sack with isn’t a stranger, but a close friend who turns into something more. I’ve had several friendships in which we slowly became inseparable, talking all day, going out at night and having the occasional platonic sleepover. Sexual tension grew, and eventually, after much agonizing, one of us made a move, often late at night after several drinks. Like when I finally hooked up with my good friend Stacy – we were playing video games at a bar, her arms were wrapped around me from behind, and the next thing I knew, we were making out.

Going after your friends can be tricky, though; the more your heart’s involved, the higher the risk of getting hurt. The good thing about experimenting with a friend, especially if she’s also “straight” or curious, is that you can tell her things you might be too nervous to say to a date. You don’t have to pretend that you know exactly what you’re doing; you can say, “I’ve never done this before, but I think you’re beautiful and I’ve been wanting to kiss you.”

The down side is that you run the risk of permanently affecting your friendship. Plenty of dykes stay friends with their exes, but the nature of a once-sexual friendship may mean you won’t ever return to the original level of closeness. If you find yourself with a big crush on a good friend, find a way to let her know without pressuring her. “I had a hot dream about you last night,” is one way to start. If she laughs and brushes it off, you can look elsewhere for your lesbian initiation. If she asks to hear more, step closer and whisper the rest of your dirty dream into her ear.

What to Do in Bed with a Woman

You’ve been with guys – surely you remember when you were a virgin and sex was new and nerve-wracking. If you feel the same way about sex with girls, relax. You don’t have to move from “I like you” to 69 in ten seconds. Spend time making out, talking dirty, getting excited.

Women are likely to show you what they want. The first time I slept with a woman, in college, she seemed excited to initiate me into her world and didn’t hesitate to show me exactly how she liked to be touched. I was thrilled that I could make her come, and though I was nervous, her response set me at ease. I could both feel and hear her responding, and she, in turn, was patient with me. Caitlain says, “I think most women find it hot when they give another woman her first time (with a woman).” Never underestimate the thrill of letting her be the teacher.

Jen Sincero advises, “If you’re super nervous about being with a woman, get to the kiss as soon as possible. It’ll move you past merely thinking (and very possibly over-thinking) about it to the physical realm, and will get you past the majority of your freak-out.”

She’s right. Kissing is something you’ve done before, and it will reveal quickly whether you two have chemistry. Maybe one kiss will pique your girl-on-girl curiosity for good – or maybe you’ll want to tear her clothes off right at the bar.

Moving beyond the kiss – according to Kristal, a new lover isn’t “expecting you to jump her and dominate her in bed.” Especially if she knows you’re a newbie, she “knows it might not be earth-shattering the first time.” Tell her what you like, what you’re curious about, what you’re unsure about. You don’t have to say, “I loved it when my old boyfriend rubbed his cock between my breasts,” but you could say, “I really like having my nipples touched.”

You may run into the “What do you want me to do?” conundrum, in which you both ask that question so many times that the glow of arousal starts to fade. If you find yourself there, don’t wait for her; make a move, any move. Touch her where you want to touch her, kiss her where you want to kiss her, and if she wants another kind of touch, she’ll let you know. If you’re both newbies, it can be hard to get past this stage, but the only way you’ll ever know what you like is to try it.

Engage Your Inner Slut

You don’t have to say a lot, but make sure she knows you want to be there. Says Kristal, “If you’re in bed with someone who’s straight and she’s not into it, it’s obvious right away.” If you want to see what she can do with the dildo sitting on her nightstand, let her know. Also remember that you don’t have to do everything under the Sapphic sun all at once. If there’s chemistry with her, there will be a next time. Sincero advises, “Don’t psych yourself out. Sex is a natural thing and if you’re turned on and doing what feels good, it’s not going to matter if you’ve never been with a woman before. Your inner slut will take over.”

According to Elaine, a lesbian who dated her share of straight girls in college, as long as you’re upfront about what you’re ready for, it’s perfectly valid to pursue women with more experience. “I began dating a girl who told me right off the bat that she identified as bi and had never been with a woman. I didn’t want to push her; I probably would have moved more quickly if I’d known she’d had sex with a woman before.” Guess what? They’ve now been together for a year, and the “bi” girl in question now identifies as a lesbian.

You’re not going to know what you think of being with another woman until you do it – but remember, everyone’s different. Your sexual chemistry will vary from one girl to the next, so don’t judge everything based on a single experience.

While you can follow Sincero’s advice and go by instinct, you may also want to tell her something you’ve spent plenty of solo time fantasizing about (“I’ve always wanted to [fill in the blank]…”].

But there’s nothing you “have to” do. I’ve been with girls who wanted to keep their underwear on. There was making out, spanking and heavy petting – and it was totally hot.

What Next?

You’re entitled to explore your interest in women at whatever level you’re comfortable with. It’s okay if one day you think you’re a lesbian and the next you feel 90 percent straight, but you do owe your partners the honesty of telling them where you’re at. Don’t let a woman fall madly in love with you if you’re just trying to find your G-spot or add another notch to your belt.

Then again, sometimes sex with straight girls can be an easy way for queer girls to get laid, without any relationship drama or “where’s this going?” questions. As Nadine explains, “I have been with women just for the sex, and I’m now in a relationship with a ‘straight’ woman. Women are smart enough to know, by talking with and watching another woman, if they are getting involved with a player or someone who might want more.” Still, you should always be upfront – you can’t assume what she’s looking for until you talk to her.

Jane, 29, considers herself straight, but has had two sexual relationships with women. The first, at age 19, lasted about a year; the second was in her mid-twenties. Both never went beyond the physical, and now she says, “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with trying a sexual activity a few times to see if you’re into it. I’m probably straighter than I would have been had I not had those perfectly pleasant [girl-on-girl] experiences. Now I don’t have to wonder; I know that girls’ bodies don't do it for me.”

So there you have it: ideas, inspiration and encouragement for how to bring out the lady-loving side of you. Next thing you know, you may be standing next to the girl of your dreams wearing an “I’m Not Gay, But My Girlfriend Is” shirt – or nothing at all.

Find more at Rachel Kramer Bussel