Most of us have been there. You’re out with a hottie you hope will become your next bedmate. You start plotting your seduction strategy before the second round of drinks arrives. Then, something happens; something bad. S/he reveals that one of his/her favorite pastimes is hunting, stamp collecting or (gasp!) fly fishing.

Read on to learn what other hobbies are red flags when it comes to hot action.

Doll Collecting

So not cute. Adult women (or, worse, adult men) who collect dolls pretty much wear their fertility fears and sordid childhood issues scrawled across their foreheads. Avoid.

Coin/Stamp/Commemorative Plate Collecting

Collecting anything is a bad sign – a harbinger of neuroses run amok. (One of us has a relative who collects porcelain frogs. Unattractive? Oui oui!) But coins, stamps and commemorative plate-collecting is especially bad; anything you can only buy on late-night infomercials just ain’t fit for company.

Dungeons and Dragons

What is D&D, anyway? And why does anyone care? It has the word “dragon” in the title. Therefore, it should never, ever be uttered anywhere near a date, a bedroom or a genital. Leave it to pimply teenage boys who rely on fantasy life because real life hasn’t started yet.

Foodie-ism

It may have experienced an annoying resurgence in recent years. Still, foodies can go fuck themselves since they’re the only ones who’ll ever get near their own pompous, caviar-reeking asses.

Knitting

It might not be the most heinous hobby ever, but come on; knitting is so 2002. Find something else – something sexier – to do with your hands, hipster grannies-in-training.

Fly Fishing

Anyone who has anything to do with fishing is bad news. It’s the dullest hobby enjoyed by the dullest people.  Hicks, rednecks and deep Southerners unite!

Birds. Just…Birds

We will now share a little story about a “Lost Pet” sign recently spotted in the neighborhood. Above a picture of a parrot, the disgruntled owner had scrawled, “LOST: BABY! $1000 REWARD!” Anyone who publicly refers to his or her parrot as “baby” is clearly unhinged. As are most folks who treat feathered, flying creatures as pets or hobbies.

Hunting

Anyone who can go into the woods, look into a furry critter’s eyes and pull the trigger is heartless, immoral and barbaric. Yes, even if s/he promises you a fur coat out of the deal. Save your sexual sanity and don’t go for goons with guns.

Ferret Racing

We didn’t know this hobby existed until we began the intensive process of researching this article. But indeed, there are freaky folks who enjoy sending their ferrets running through multi-colored tubes. The winning ferret gets a tasty snack. You, on the other hand, get a psychotic bedmate if you ever catch yourself in the sack with someone who enjoys this weird-ass pastime. Next!