10. You accidentally spear someone in the butt during a game of bar darts and insist on cleaning the wound with your saliva.

9. You flash your boobs to a crowd of horny guys – forgetting that your new mommy milk is still flowing.

8. You bark, “I am McLovin! Call me McLovin!” during the church bake sale.

7. You wake up with a Hello Kitty tattoo on one of your silicone breasts – and you’re a man.

6. You get taken in for DUI – and try to talk your way out of jail by offering the female correctional officer a “nice, long bj.”

5. You spend the night explaining to some hot guy how the music of John Lennon changed your life – only to realize you were conversing with a decorative tiki statue at Waikiki Wally’s.

4. You ignore the restraining order, booty call your ex-wife and get your ass kicked by Wanda, her new life partner.

3. When you slur, “I love you,” your partner hears, “I fuck poo.”

2. You swallow it down, then puke it right back up. On his special area.

1. You groggily jerk off the golden retriever lying next to you…instead of his hot blonde owner.