When a guy murmurs, “Will you go down on me?” early in the AM, he’s usually looking for an orgasm that requires little to no effort on his part. As an inherently selfish person, focusing exclusively on pleasuring someone else bores the shit out of me. So for the requisite ten to fifteen minutes of having a penis in my mouth, I decide whether to go to yoga or to brunch, make a mental note to drop off dry cleaning and contemplate adopting a puppy. I’m an excellent multi-tasker, I know. 

For these reasons, I approached Metro Event Planners’ Blowjob Class with curious apprehension. As I rode the elevator to Manhattan’s Ripley Grier Studios, an audition haven for Broadway wannabes, I calmed myself with the knowledge that my status as a “reporter” was an excuse not to participate in the class. I entered the studio-turned-sex-ed-class and wondered: How many self-respecting women could possibly care about improving their ability to give good head?

At least 30 of them, actually. Cute twentysomethings, aging bleached-blonde MILFs and everybody in between situated themselves in metal folding chairs around me. Black, white, Latina, whatever – all bound by a collective desire to better their BJ skills.

I feigned enthusiasm and settled in. Enter “erotic instructor” Ian.

“First of all, I’m gay; otherwise it would be difficult for a man to teach this class, right?” he giggled. We giggled. Blaire, the class organizer, handed us lengthy peeled carrots as Ian, talking over the sounds of Madonna’s “Immaculate Collection,” introduced us to Pablo – a large black dildo – and reassured us that Pablo made only public instructional appearances. Ian then explained the benefits of water-based lube while Blaire made the rounds, squeezing dollops of clear goo into our open palms.

Ian began his instruction by teaching us some handjob techniques, encouraging us to use our carrots to mimic his moves on Pablo. I was about to jerk off a vegetable. Thankfully, Ian’s enthusiasm and the class’s eager participation assuaged the awkward feeling that inevitably accompanies treating a salad ingredient like a schlong.

Before Ian orally pleasured Pablo, he gave us some general wisdom on the art of giving head. The gist: Fellatio need not be a monotonous, twenty-minute endeavor. A blowjob shouldn’t be deemed good, bad or ugly based on semen expulsion or lack thereof. Blowjobs can be enjoyed by both parties when they’re treated as exploratory acts.

Ian had me really excited to go to town on my carrot until he described giving head as “empowering.” I pictured creepy porn stars shoving their nine-inch Viagra boners down women’s throats. Ian read my mind.

“I’m not talking about the kind of blowjobs you see in porn flicks! Any time a guy’s tried to face-fuck me, I’m like, ‘Buddy, hands off, I know what I’m doing.’” He giggled again. “Seriously, a guy trusts you enough to put his manhood in your mouth. You could bite the entire thing off if you wanted to. How is that not empowering?”

While I’d inadvertently executed some of Ian’s techniques in past oral experience – like the “Ice Cream Cone,” licks and flicks with the tongue all over the penis – a few of his suggestions were inspiring. The “Operation” move involves traveling down the shaft without touching the sides, using only your warm breath to stimulate your partner. Upon reaching the bottom of the shaft, clasp your mouth shut, give a steady suck upwards and finish it off with a “pop!” at the top (also known as the “Lollypop,” in which you place the head of the penis in your mouth and “pop” the top as you pull away). If you, ahem, play ball, secure your thumbs in an L shape under his nuts; then “Bless the Bishop and the Boys” by nuzzling or sucking one ball and running your tongue up and down the shaft before attending to the other one.

I couldn’t remember the specifics of Ian’s techniques when I gave head after attending Metro Event Planners’ Blowjob Class, but I did feel less inhibited and more engaged in the penis-sucking process. Ian’s instruction allowed me to view oral sex not as an obligatory precursor to intercourse, but as an exploratory and – dare I say it – empowering exercise that can strengthen intimacy.

Metro Event Planners’ Blowjob Class is held once a month. Tickets are $50 each. Visit their website, www.metroeventplanners.com for details and to purchase tickets.