“Bonding” in the bedroom brings to mind snuggling, cuddling and spooning. Change those last three little letters, and it’s a whole different ballgame – but one that can bring you just as close. Couples all over the country are switching out the kisses and caresses for a little tie and tease. Why? Bondage grants the restrained partner complete freedom from responsibility – no worrying about pleasing their loved one or doing something wrong or right. You’re subject to your partner’s every whim and desire. The restrainer enjoys the thrill of being in total control, which is a major rush. Your lover is helpless, completely at your mercy. Here’s a beginner’s guide to bonding through bondage.

Safety First

Sure, you can’t wait to tie your partner to the bedpost and rub whipped cream on all his or her hottest spots…but before you break out the Cool Whip, it’s crucial that you master the following safety tips.

    * Avoid tying someone up with a scarf or pantyhose. These restraints can become too tight and might cut off circulation.

    * The best rope to use is cotton or nylon (found at any hardware store). Another top choice is hemp rope, which can be purchased in specialty BDSM shops online. Cut the rope into four 15-foot pieces (one for each limb). Make sure the rope isn’t too thin, because thin rope causes discomfort. Ideally, use rope that’s at least as wide as your middle finger.

    * Never tie too tightly. You should be able to stick one or two fingers between the skin and restraints at all times. Always check in with your partner to make sure that he or she is not experiencing numbness or tingling. Immediately loosen or untie the restraints if your partner experiences any of those sensations. Check in frequently to make sure that the restrained limbs are warm to the touch. Cold extremities could mean that circulation is being cut off.

    * Never restrain someone by the neck.

    * Never leave the room when your partner is in love bonds! Leaving a person in bondage unattended is very dangerous. Bondage play needs to be supervised at all times.

    * Always keep scissors nearby in case you need to get your partner out fast. EMT scissors are recommended for removing tape or rope from skin.

    * Agree on a safe word to end the scene.

Bondage Gear

Besides basic rope, there are a plethora of products on the market that are bondage-friendly. Wrist and ankle restraints are wonderful (especially for beginners). Handcuffs and ankle cuffs are also ideal. Bondage gear such as bondage arm binders and bondage restraint belts are for more advanced play – so if you’re just getting started, save those for later. Oh, and don’t forget a blindfold. Taking your restrained lover’s sight away will only heighten his or her other senses…and will add to the anticipation and eroticism of your power plays.

Georgia Payne is a professional dominatrix and Julie Taylor is a sex writer for magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Glamour. They are co-authors of the sex game book How to Be a Dominant Diva, and their website is www.dominantdiva.com.