By Laura Barcella

According to Scientific American, more than 90 percent of people lie in their online dating profiles. Women in their twenties and thirties slyly deduct anywhere from five to twenty pounds from their weight, while men tend to lie about income, education level and, yes, relationship status.

Here are a few of the phrases you should be on the lookout for when looking for love:

10. "I'm slim and petite"

Translation: "I was slim and petite fifteen years ago. I haven't accepted the fact that I'm no longer thin and I know that potential dates won't accept it either, so I take liberties with my self-description in hopes that you won't notice the additional 20 pounds of jelly I've accumulated since the time my profile photo was taken."

9. "I'm tall, dark and handsome."

Translation: "I'm average in height, looks and style. Simply...average. Nothing more, nothing less." According to Medical News Today, 52.6 percent of men lie about their height online and 39 percent of women do the same. So if you're expecting someone tall, dark and handsome, think again. When it comes to Internet dating, you're lucky if your date shows up with a couple of legs, some fingers and a tongue.

8. "I'm 29."

Translation: "I'm an old pro at sites like these and I know that lowering my age to under 30 will make me turn up in more people's searches. In reality, I'm getting really fucking sick of not having any luck on these fucking websites and, oh yeah, I'm anywhere between the ages of 31 and 50."

7. "My interests include good wine, live music and fine dining."

Translation: "I like dancing to cheesy techno at Eurotrash clubs and having dates buy my dinner. Oh, and I also really like getting hammered. Shots all around! Take off your top!"

6. "I'm sensitive, smart and funny."

Translation: "I'm a hypersensitive, pretentious wannabe-intellectual and I just might have Tourette's syndrome, which makes people laugh sometimes. FUCK! DICKWEED!"

5. "I make more than $250,000 per year."

Translation: "I have grandiose, elaborate fantasies of eventually winning the lottery or striking gold with an Internet porn empire but for now, to make ends meet, I'm your friendly neighborhood manager at Walgreens." Salary is one of the biggest things people (especially men) lie about in their profiles. According to Scientific American, men claiming income of more than $250,000 get 151 percent more replies than men claiming income less than $50,000.

4. "I'm not big on playing games."

Translation: "I am utterly devoid of any ‘edge.' My lack of sarcasm will astound you. I pride myself on being a good guy or girl, but I've been fucked over by so many previous partners that now I make sure to let everybody know that I'm looking for ‘something real.' I'm like an open book, which means you'll get to hear about how my uncle once touched my private parts on our first date. Yay!"

3. "I can't wait to meet you."

Translation: "I can't wait to scope you out in person and see if you're worth having sex with - which really depends on how closely the ‘real you' resembles that foxy photo you posted of yourself."

2. "I just got out of a long relationship, so I'm mainly looking for friends right now."

Translation: "Having just escaped a bitter, years-long romantic battle, I am damaged goods and can't deal with anything more than casual, frenzied fucking to help me temporarily forget my misery. But I know that my chances of getting laid will plummet if I indicate that I'm only interested in slutting it up."

1. "As the CEO of a successful Internet startup, I enjoy the finer things in life."

Translation: "As the founder of a bare-bones mail order business that I run out of my mother's basement, I enjoy spending every waking second of my time on the Internet, watching porn, gambling and living vicariously through my avatar on SecondLife.com."