Dear Yvonne:

My boyfriend wants to try incorporating asphyxiation during sex – all his buddies are talking about it and it’s the trendy thing to do.  How can we do this safely?

Sorry to be your sexual buzz kill, but you can’t. Practicing erotic asphyxiation is like playing Russian roulette. Sometimes it leads to a loss of consciousness. Sometimes death. Asphyxia during sex can produce feelings of giddiness, lightheadedness and exhilaration, which some say intensify physical and psychological excitement; but people die from equipment failures and other mistakes. Technically, this adrenaline rush is not greater arousal – it’s your body’s fight-or-flight response. You’re being choked – your body is being threatened. That’s not pleasure – that’s panic.

While your boyfriend’s buddies may think asphyxiation is trendy, they’re wrong. And besides, who cares? My advice: unless you enjoy the helplessness and self-endangerment that comes with this sexual practice, don’t set yourself up to be the test dummy. This far from mainstream activity could lead to disability, brain or tissue damage, bruising on the neck or accidental death. Don’t you find it a little creepy to think about anybody, especially a lover, taking great pleasure in cutting off your oxygen supply? It’s a little twisted that someone would want to have so much control over your body that they’re willing to risk your life.

Dear Yvonne:

My boyfriend is a wee bit threatened that I’m more experienced than him in bed. He feels like guys should have more under their belts than gals. Anything I can tell him to put his mind at ease?

Hello, Mrs. Robinson! That’s the mindset a male needs when dealing with a more experienced femme. Tell your guy to get “hot for teacher” and that he should let you show him a thing or two in the sack (because yes, you are trying to seduce him!). Point out that he should relish letting you do a little bit of the work, something many men would envy; he should relax and enjoy this time. After a few romps with this attitude, he’ll hopefully get over your higher level of experience. If he doesn’t, bestow your worldly skills on somebody who can be much more appreciative of the “been there, done that” you bring to the relationship.

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